01 Pay Careful Attention

I think one of the reasons why we're doing this is because JoshGen has been going now for 24 years. And it's grown significantly. In the last months it's grown by over 650 new members. People are coming from all walks of life. Four12 itself is growing as churches are coming into partnership.

And very often people have been building and learning how to serve God, and who God is, through years of being Christians, or being in leadership. The challenges we sometimes have to unlearn certain things to learn new ways. We're going to be digging a lot into the Bible because we believe the Bible is God's manual.

It shows us how these things work. And we're going to be wrestling through a number of concepts. Hopefully we'll be able to train and equip. I want to do practical stuff as well. So we'll move from heart and understanding to handles. As we try and train up a new generation of leaders, that will hold the truths that God birthed us into.

Avoiding the Danger of Spiritual Drift

Paul said in 2 Timothy 2:2 to Timothy that, "what you've heard me teach, teach to reliable men, who themselves be qualified to teach others." And the danger with our growth is that if we don't keep adjusting and learning, we actually can start to drift.

And for those who are in leadership, drift is inevitable. It happens in your family. When I say drift it means, you just get it all working nicely, and immediately it feels like things drift from order to chaos. Have you noticed that? Evolution is wrong—it doesn't go from chaos to order.

Life goes from order to chaos. And so, without leaders and without good shepherds, the church will always drift to comfort, convenience, compromise, deception, lukewarmness. We do need to be leaders that are able to effectively lead the church forward. We use the picture of a plumb line.

Building According to God's Plumb Line

When they used to build in Israel, the builders would come and inspect the building and they would use a string with a weight on the bottom to make sure that everything was built in line. Everything should line up properly with the cornerstone, which in our case is Jesus.

This is a plumb line to our thinking. A plumb line to how we think leadership works so that we can be properly aligned in our understanding with Jesus and His ways. And then from that place, we can hopefully build according to the plumb line.

Because we are building the most important thing on the planet—God's house. There is no more important thing. It's through the church that God's chosen to reveal His glory to the rulers and the authorities in the heavenly places. If the church becomes dark, if the church isn't built properly, it can't reflect Christ well.

And if it doesn't reflect Christ well, the world will never know who God really is. In fact, many Christians won't even know who God really is. We have to get this right. I'm excited to see so many of you here and many online.

Because you are here, even if you never end up being on eldership, you will learn things here that hopefully will form and fashion you. In many ways, elders are simply matured believers who have the gift of leadership on them and are called to be elders.

The Role of the Elder: Uprooting and Building

And we'll dig into that a bit later. In Jeremiah 1:10, Jeremiah is told, "I've called you and appointed you to tear down, uproot, build and plant." And if there's anything that an elder does, it's that. You're continually tearing down thinking patterns, tearing down ways of life, tearing down people's bad understandings and bad theology.

Uprooting and then building and planting. And it's something that we have to consciously be aware of. When people walk through the doors of any one of our churches, they are not yet where they should be. There is work to be done. And we can't presume that it's just going to happen.

Because like a farmer who has a field, if he doesn't work that field and he's not caring for it and planting at the right place and watering at the right times. If he isn't doing the right things, the field will never bear the fruit of the harvest that it has the potential to bring.

And it's exactly the same in the church. The church does not just happen. Jesus said, "I need workers." Without workers, the harvest is not going to happen. It's not going to come in. And so part of the reason why we're here is to learn how to be workers that can effectively build the field of God.

That we can effectively know when to plant, when to water, when to nurture, when to prune and train, et cetera, et cetera. When to deal with bugs and all sorts of things that happens to the trees as they grow. It is a lot of work and we need to learn how to do it.

Paying Careful Attention to the Flock

And in Acts 20:28, I think we've got that on the board. Paul says, "Pay careful attention," Paul says to the Ephesian elders, "to yourselves and to all the flock in which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers. To take care of the church of God, which He obtained with His own blood."

Christ died for the church. He obtained it. He purchased it. And then He brings every individual that believes into this thing called the church. And He pays for it. It's an extremely expensive price. And then He asks elders to care for yourselves first, because if you're dying, if you're not healthy, you can't bring health to anyone else.

And then out of that also to care for the flock of which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers. The Holy Spirit will ultimately call people to oversee, to care for, to nurture, to father, to shepherd the flock of God. And without those things happening, the church can't be built.

Learning from Moses: The Danger of Frustration

Now, this morning I got a message from one of our elders who is actually not in town at the moment. He had a picture, which I do want to share with you, because I think it's very helpful. Moses is God's leader. And if you are here, you are here because deep down inside you believe that you're called to lead.

And Moses is a dear man. He loves God and God loves him. And at one point as Moses is leading the people—and if you're an elder for any length of time, you'll find out people are often very difficult to lead. Many of you have got kids.

And you realize they're quite difficult to lead, actually. And that's two or three. Now you've got to imagine leading 200 or 300. And so Moses at one point is leading the people of God towards the promises of God, which is what every elder should do.

And on the way the people become more and more unruly. And sometimes churches do this. And he gets really frustrated. They are hungry, they are thirsty and they start to moan and grumble. Which is one of the worst things that can happen in any church.

When a church starts moaning and grumbling, it's dying. It's in trouble. When people start moaning and grumbling, you know, we have to fix this quick. And that could be for various reasons. And so, Moses goes to God. In Exodus 17 Moses is at that same place.

And God shows Moses a rock and He says, go and strike the rock. Moses strikes the rock and water pours out because the people are thirsty. And they drink of the water. And then in Exodus 20, that same cycle happens again. People are groaning and grumbling again.

And God says, I want you to go to the rock and I want you to speak to the rock. And Moses goes to the rock. And he's angry and he's frustrated. You can see his response is—he's frustrated at the people and he doesn't listen to God properly.

The first time he was told to strike the rock, the second time God said, speak to the rock. And so Moses in anger and frustration goes back to the old way, his old pattern, and he strikes the rock. And at that point, God says, you've disqualified yourself.

And what Moses doesn't realize is the rock is a picture of Jesus. It's a picture of—in the book of Hebrews it talks about Christ being the rock who is with them. And so Moses was supposed to show the people of Israel that living water would come the first time by the striking of the rock, by the striking of the Son of God.

Water would be poured out over the people of God and healing and salvation and life would come. Living water as it were. But the second time Moses falls into that pattern and he strikes the rock again without thinking what he's doing, he doesn't understand.

He's just in the moment. Bang! And in striking the rock for the second time, the picture that God was going to bring through that rock is lost. Because now, water will come only by the continual sacrifice, the continual beating of the Son of God, who only had to die once.

And so Israel loses a picture of Jesus because Moses falls into an old habit and gets frustrated. And I want to say whenever the church and its leaders get frustrated and we don't do it God's way, we don't move from the old into what God is saying to us now, we end up striking the rock because of old ways and frustration. And when people come to see Christ in the church, they don't see Him anymore, because the leaders have grown frustrated. Because old patterns are now entrenched and the picture of Christ is lost to that generation.

We're a people that are moving forward. Kassie spoke about a holy fear in our worship, before this. There is a sense that we are dealing with things bought with blood. And we desperately need to remain close to Jesus. And realize that the Holy Spirit in us is going to teach us how to build the Church of God.

And I do want to say, we have to always be learning and listening in the moment. What you did yesterday when you struck the rock, worked then, but it won't necessarily work tomorrow. And so what is the thing that the Lord is taking you into?

And how do you remain in what He's doing now? So that Christ can be revealed through our leadership. Does this make sense? So pay attention to yourself. Pay attention to your heart. Pay attention to when it gets frustrated or angry. Pay attention, because Moses didn't pay attention to his heart.

He struck the rock. And he missed out on his inheritance. Pay attention to the sheep, to the flock, to that which Christ has died to put you in charge of. Now, that was my little intro, but I want us to dig into the qualifications.

Understanding the Qualifications for Eldership

What qualifies us to be these shepherds? These people of which the Holy Spirit has made us to be overseers. And these qualifications are important. If you are an existing elder, these are good reminders to us of, firstly, what we want to look for in others.

But before we look for that in others, we must make sure that we can find these things in ourselves. Because these are the things which ultimately cause us to be able to be qualified properly for what God has called us to be. And I often say this: show me your leaders and I'll show you the future of your church.

So as we become the kind of leaders that are worthy of being imitated, and as we raise up others, we have to make sure that we find leaders now that will be what the church will be tomorrow. Amen. Leaders become the future before the people enter it.

So one of the challenges is you in your secret place of you being formed into being an elder. God is busy forming the future into you and you will need to walk ahead of your brothers and sisters. You will need to go where they haven't gone.

Israel was still in Egypt, but Moses was already moving towards the promised land. He had gone before them in his life. And it is always like that with leaders. You'll be going before your brothers. There'll be a higher expectation of you. Where your brothers might be able to remain in certain areas, leaders need to be those that will leave the comfort and convenience that they see around them to obey God at all costs.

And so there is a sense of us going before and modeling and reflecting everything that the church needs to become. Show me your leaders and I'll show you the future of the church. And as we look amongst us to see future leaders, we need to make sure that we find those who are already living in the future.

The danger is if you choose based on possibilities, you don't know the decisions that people will make. And so we need to find people that have been tested and tried, people that have shown a track record of living in what God wants the church to become.

Choosing Leaders Based on Character and Maturity

And I want to say this, we must never ever let the need for leaders cause us to prematurely bring people on. We can't raise leaders because we need leaders. We raise leaders because they've been raised. And they are evident and we can see the Lord's work in them.

We've been training and shaping to that end. It must be obvious that they've been set apart to be this. Does this make sense? And so I want to say, if you are here to learn what an elder is and you feel that's in your calling, please understand that you are being formed by the Holy Spirit.

That He'll be speaking to you individually, asking you to do things that others won't need to do. And depending upon your obedience, Your responses will determine whether one day He might sit you into office. You can't compare because it won't be fair. Because leaders are facing a stricter judgment.

So what they get away with, you won't. Does this make sense? So I want us to quickly look at how we appoint elders and then I want us to dig into what are the qualifications. And again, even for those that are already elders, these are good reminders as we recalibrate, as we set the plumb line.

Are we effectively still living the values that Christ is looking for as leaders in His house? And the first thing I want to say is there is a process. And quickly we're going to dig into that process. This is also for the Four12 churches that are going to be watching this.

The Bible tells us that apostles will appoint elders and so we're going to dig into that in detail. But in Mark 3:14, we see Jesus doing something quite significant. It says, "He appointed twelve, that they might be with him, and that he might send them out to preach."

Knowing the Life and Character of Future Leaders

The first thing that leaders need to do as we raise up new leaders—and I'm talking to existing leaders and future leaders—is that we need to have time with each other. We need to be with the leaders that are there. Christ is the first here.

He's the prototype. And so we can't raise leaders up that we don't know. We must know the people. It's got to be beyond a Sunday and I see how they worship and they're good home group leaders. We must know them, but they must be with us.

They've got to be a part of our lives to some degree. Somebody on the eldership team needs to know those people beyond the Christian Sunday face. Because people are very good at coming to meetings and even jumping through hoops and doing things. Because some feel they want to be leaders.

And so they do the things that they know they must do, because they feel called to it. But I want to know what you are like when you wake up in a grumpy morning. I want to know what you're like when your children are exasperating you.

I want to know what you're like when you're under pressure. We used to take people down rivers in kayaks. And there's nothing like watching a man under pressure when he's about to go over a waterfall and he's lost control of his boat—and seeing what comes out.

I'll never forget the one day, one of the guys we took down ended up popping his shoulder on one of the rapids. And I had to rescue him. And I flipped his kayak over because he couldn't, he'd lost use of his arm, it was hanging down here.

I flipped him over and I was literally this far from the man, and he looked at me, but he was so in pain, he didn't recognize that it was me, his leader. And I remember F-bombs pouring out of him. I've just learned something about you.

Under pressure, I see what really comes out. He had this amazing Christian face, but actually when the pain was on, what came out wasn't Christ. And so we need to know the people. We need to know future leaders. We have to be spending time with them.

We can't just know them on a Sunday because you will not hear F-bombs in worship. And this is not to disqualify, this is to qualify, this is to train them, to teach them, to know what's really there, so that we can equip them.

Testing Character Under Pressure and Success

I want to know them when they're under financial strain and see what they do. I want to watch them when they get a little bit of glory. Like Nacho Libre says, "a little taste of the glory." And they come back like the disciples did, "The demons are even listening to us!"

And I want to tweak them like Jesus did. Rejoice about other things. Don't get caught up with the bigness. Because there is a bigness in this thing that can sweep our hearts away from us. Stay rooted. Stay humble. These are the things we've got to know.

And so our churches have to go beyond saying, "Hey brother, welcome to church." They have to go beyond that. We must know the flock. We must know the people. And I would say to those who are wanting to be trained for leadership: You need your leaders to know you.

Don't try and hide what you are. Because the Holy Spirit will ultimately say, "okay." And we need to, in the secret place, like David, learn to beat the lion and the bear so that when we stand in front of our Goliaths, that we've learned what we need to learn.

You cannot run from you. You cannot run from the cracks in your personality. They say the first marriages that end in divorce, it's about 50% in the United States. Second marriages, it's about 63%. Third marriages, I think it's 72%. You can't run from you.

You know, you think when you become a leader, everything will change. It just gets worse. It just gets worse. Your little cracks now become big cracks. They become much more visible. And so we have to know the people. And that's why camps and weekends away and grumpy mornings and hogging over campfires are your most valuable times.

We've always said our churches are built best on what does not happen on a Sunday. Know them. What's in their hearts? Know their wives. I used to, in the old days, I remember I was in a church as a young believer where ladies used to wear head coverings.

And it looked really spiritual until you visited them at their homes and it was an outward form, but there was no honor, there was no submission. It was something of a tradition, a religious thing that they did. Instead of being godly women who didn't need head coverings because they were under the coverings of their husbands.

We need to know these things. We need to know how do they get on with the teams? Do they gel with our teams? Are they going to bring tension to the eldership teams if they come on? Because leaders are leading teams and if the team loses unity, the church is lost.

Avoiding Premature Leadership and Hidden Faults

For a house divided will not stand. We need to be praying, having a sense that this is God's will, and not choosing people based on presumptions. Are they ready, Lord? Really? You've done things in the secret place. Because if we bring people through prematurely, they will fail.

They must be ready for what the Lord has got for them to do. And so we need to really open these things up and we need our lives to be open books. Because at the end of the day, our lives will be open books—in that last day.

As He judges the nations—everything done in secret will be shouted from rooftops. We need leaders now to know our cracks. In fact, I would even encourage you, even if you're not a leader or sensing you're going to be a leader, just as a saint, we should be going to our leaders and lay our strengths and weaknesses before them.

Saying, "Look at this, look at this." Do I need help in this area? Do I need this area of my life strengthened and formed? If my marriage is in tension, if my kids are terrorists, if my finances are not working. If I'm battling at work or whatever it is.

I'm having issues with people. I need to bring that to the leaders to help me. Because I want Christ to be formed in me so that He can form His church through me. And that's such an important thing, you know. The danger is, sometimes with ambition, we do things outwardly to get what we think God's called us to do.

The Role of Elders and Apostles in Appointments

And we actually end up messing up the whole thing. Then, within the churches, as we try and raise the elders, how do we go about this process? At the end of the day, your team and the leader of the eldership team needs to firstly recognize potential elders.

We, as the apostolic role within the church, don't always know the people. We don't have the time to know the people like that. We may have discernment to some degree, but at the end of the day, we can only build with what God shows us.

But you should know the state of the flocks. You, shepherds, elders, should know the state of the people within your care. And I love when we see the choosing of the deacons. And while this is for deacons, the principle is good. In Acts 6:3, "brothers, choose seven men from among you who are known to be full of the spirit and wisdom."

And I love that word "known". We know these guys. Full of the Spirit, full of wisdom. And so the church chooses seven men. And later in Acts 6:6, "They presented these men to the apostles." Hey, we think these are the guys. We think as we've looked at the grace, the wisdom, the way Christ is formed.

We think these are the leaders that God's calling. To be future elders with us. We present them. What do you think? And then the apostles ultimately decide and pray and lay their hands on them. And we see this in Acts 14:23. And you see this throughout the New Testament.

Paul and Barnabas appointed elders for them in each church. Paul and Barnabas are both serving in an apostolic way within the churches. And with prayer and fasting committed them to the Lord in whom they put their trusts. And so elders in some ways begin the process.

They recognize and say, "I think these are the guys." Then the apostolic comes in and endorses and says, "Yes, it seems right to us and the Holy Spirit, too. As we don't know them as well as you do, but there's no check in our hearts."

We can't see anything disqualifying here. And then the apostles appoint them and set them into office. Are you with me? So that's basically how it needs to work. And I would say to the elders that are present, we should be continually be training and equipping and looking to try and see leaders emerging within the field.

Multiplying Mature Leaders for Church Growth

Within our sphere of influence. All the time. Because if the church grows and you don't have leaders ready for it, when it hits a certain place, it gets stuck. I've always said we should have more elders ideally than we need. Because mature leaders will multiply them; they will produce babies.

In other words, if there's shepherds, they're going to find sheep. The problem is if you've got too many sheep and none of shepherds, wolves come in and we lose what we have. So we always want to, ideally, have more leaders ready than we need.

But we can't do it until they're ready. And that is what partly what this is about. So let's begin to dig into—what do we actually look for? And again, if you are here to learn and you sense your call to this leadership, these are things you must now be working into yourselves.

These are the fights you fight in the secret place. That if you don't win these battles, you shouldn't ever lead in the church of God. These are the requirements that scripture lays down. This is what you've got to look for. And in 1 Timothy 3:1-7, we'll go through it together.

Biblical Qualifications for Overseers

I'll read it through once and then we'll go through it word for word. As we unpack what do we look for. It says, "Here is a trustworthy saying, if anyone sets his heart on being an overseer or an elder, he desires a noble task."

It's a good work. It's a good thing to desire it. "Now, the overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife. Temperate, self controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach. Not given to drunkenness, not violent, but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money.

He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. If anyone doesn't know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God's church? He must not be a recent convert or he may become proud and conceited and fall under the same judgment as the devil.

He must also have a good reputation with outsiders so that he will not fall into disgrace and into the devil's trap." You with me? And then it starts on Deacons. Let's begin to dig into those qualifications. What are the things that we should be looking for in those that God has worked His nature in by the Spirit?

Biblical Standards for Male Leadership and Marriage

And the first thing I need to say is he needs to be a man. He's a man. He's a husband of but one wife. This qualification in the church is given to those who are males. Just like a father in the house, in the family, is called to be a male.

This specific calling is male. And so we don't appoint ladies as elders. We have deaconesses, but we don't have lady elders. Because they are called to something different as women within the house of God. And they have a different grace upon their lives that they bring to the family.

And so that needs to be said. And I know today the church is shifting massively on this. Culture has shifted massively on this. If you're stuck with what I'm saying, maybe you're watching this online, we do have resources available that you can check out on our Four12 app.

It will show you the answer to the deeper questions around why I've just said what I did. I don't want to dig into that now because we would spend two days just discussing that subject. But I need to say this while we do look for men, there is a concept of if he's a married man, that his wife and he are co-heirs.

The Bible says, she carries a joint grace with him. So, so if she's a co-heir, then while I'm choosing the man, he and his wife are one flesh. So while he is the leader, and he's the one who will ultimately lead that unit, his wife qualifies or disqualifies the man.

And that co-heirs, 1 Peter 3:7, speaks of them being co-heirs with you of the grace of life. She needs a grace upon her to serve alongside me. If God has called me to be an elder, my wife needs to have a sense that she is my help meet.

Like God gave Adam authority to rule in the garden and then God said it's not good that he does it on his own. I'm going to find a helper for him and God found a woman who brought alongside Adam to serve. Adam was the leader of the team but he needed this lady right by his side helping him do what God had called him to do.

In the same way in the church, our wives are helpers with us in this grace of life. And when they marry us, there is something of a grace that's upon us that comes upon them. And can I say something of a grace that's upon her that also comes upon me because we become one new man in Christ Jesus.

The Role of Wives in the Eldership Team

In an eldership team, the ladies need to be involved. They need to share, they need to participate with us as joint heirs. They must realize, as ladies, that they are not to ultimately set doctrine, discipline and direction. But they will color our meetings with their wisdom, they'll color our meetings with their empathy, they will color our meetings with motherhood, and we need that in the house.

There is no specific thing that a pastor's wife does. We might dig into this if I have time. But she's got to be a joint heir with me. She might not have to preach, but she certainly got to be there with me as I run in the things that God's called me to do.

And work there with me as a co-heir with me of this grace that God has given us to do. So if his wife is not keen, I think he's disqualified. If his wife is not saying, "I'm in, I'm with you," he's disqualified because he hasn't managed to lead his wife properly yet into the things of the King and the kingdom.

Living Above Reproach and Maturity in Christ

It makes sense? Secondly, we read "above reproach" and the various ways of saying that—without any character defect. In other words, the Holy Spirit has worked so in him that he's actually really a lot like God. Recently, a friend of mine, an elder, died of cancer and it was a godly man.

And at his funeral, there were some beautiful things said that I've shared all over the world. I wasn't leading the funeral. I was just there. And like one of the men shared at his funeral and said this—his name was Pierre. He said, "Pierre was very easy to be with, because he was dead to self.

So when you were with Pierre, it was like you were with Jesus." Oh, that's a beautiful picture. Pierre had died. And when he responded, when he spoke, he spoke Jesus. When he responded in situations, it was the Spirit of Jesus responding through him.

He had allowed God to work in him so much to put to death his own flesh, that being with him was really like being with God. Which made him very attractive, even though he wasn't attractive outwardly. It was a very average looking man, but inwardly he was deeply attractive.

When you were with him, you felt close to Jesus. You heard Jesus. You felt wisdom flowing from him because Pierre had died and Christ was living through him. And so here, above reproach. In other words, you look at him and you can't see anything of the old him.

You see Jesus. There's no skeletons in his closet. There's no old cracks that are emerging. There's no thing that you can say, "But what is that? That doesn't look like Jesus." He is above reproach. And this is really maturity. It's where someone has allowed and walked with God in the secret place.

They've disciplined their flesh. They have put to death the misdeeds of their flesh. They have been trained and equipped by the Spirit. They've submitted to leaders. And so they are walking in the place now that when they respond, their response is almost always going to be Jesus.

Any crack in a man will ultimately reveal it. A crack anywhere will influence everywhere. Say that again. A crack anywhere reveals a crack that'll influence everywhere. Who I am, people are going to catch. So I must be dead to self. I must put to death the misdeeds of my flesh to be an elder of the Lord Jesus Christ.

I cannot respond—I cannot react—because people need to see Christ in me. Does this make sense? And it's maturity, really. It's just allowing God to work in you to the point that there's nothing that people can say, "What was that? That didn't smell like Jesus. That didn't taste like Jesus."

The Impact of Character Cracks on God's House

We can't raise broken men because they will break God's house. Broken people break things. They must be whole. They must be whole. In the Old Testament, a man couldn't even come into the Holy of Holies, or couldn't even come to offer sacrifices, unless he was whole, without blemish, physically.

This picture is really to show that he is without blemish, spiritually. There's nothing in him that you would say, "That was so worldly," or "That doesn't make sense." And so it's a good question. I often say, it's something I want to get right when no one's watching.

Reflecting Jesus in Personal Conduct and Pressure

I was sharing recently that we do this from time to time as a family. Just sat down with my wife and my daughter and asked ourselves honest questions. We literally, three of us sitting there saying, "Okay, so let's do this as a family.

What's something that each of us is doing well, it looks like Jesus? And what is something that we're not doing well?" And then one by one, you know, I think I was first. And my daughter said this to me, "Dad, sometimes when you're under a lot of pressure, I know you're carrying a lot.

And sometimes when you're trying to grapple with some concept or some thing, when Mom and I talk to you, you just speak back short to us. It feels like you are in your bubble and you are just a bit short." And I'm thinking, I didn't even know that, you know.

And I know actually when she said it, I thought, "Ah, it's true." Because I'm thinking about some guy who's attacking someone or doing something on Facebook, wherever it is. And now I've got to get that thing sorted quickly. So I want to get my head into that space.

I want to deal with it. The problem is, I need to reflect Jesus in all things, especially when I'm under pressure. So I had to apologize. I'm sorry. If you see me do that ever again, please tell me immediately. 'Cause I need to put that to death.

I can't allow pressure to cause me to be short in my responses ever. I might need to say this: "Okay. I can't answer that right now because my head's in the space. Would you just give me an hour to just get this done?"

And then when that hour is over, I'm yours. But I'm doing it in an honoring way. I was dishonoring in how I did it in the secret place. And then we picked on my daughter and we picked on Ems. And that's a good thing to do.

Do you know why you get PK's? Pastor's Kids. Pastor's Kids are kids that grew up despising the church because they see a dad under the anointing looking amazing and they watch him at home and he's nothing like that. So they grew up despising the hypocrisy of the church.

My daughter needs to see me always the same. I can't be different in the secret place. I must be above reproach. Does this make sense? Look for these things. Your kid's future, the future of the church depends on you winning them. Get this right.

Marriage as a Testing Ground for Leadership

Second thing we read is, "a husband of but one wife." Or a one-woman man. A man who is sexually pure. And what does that mean? So let me just say this. Firstly, it doesn't mean that he has to be married, because Paul was not married.

Timothy was not married. Jesus was not married. But if he's married, what we're starting to see now is, the Bible says, look at the man overall, look at His overall life. Is there anything in His life anywhere that's not like Jesus? So, a marriage is one of the great reveals.

I've heard it said—it's a joke, but it's kind of true: If you want to serve Jesus, stay single. But if you want to be like Jesus, get married. Because there's nothing that reveals your cracks like the one sitting next to you. Both husband and wife.

And I often say love is blind, marriage is the eye opener. You have no idea when you're getting married what you're getting into. You think you do, but love blinds you. And then when you're married, you realize, "Oh my goodness, this is going to take some work."

And it's often work in us. And so our wife is our first church. And again, you know, I remember years ago when I married Ems, I was totally blind and didn't realize the degree of brokenness that was in her, nor the selfishness that was in me.

And so, there was this tensions all the time in the early days of our marriage. And I remember when I come into God moaning and groaning, "God, why did You give me such a broken woman?" And He said this: "If you think your wife is broken, wait until you see Mine.

Wait till you see My church. And if you can't bring her through, I'll never trust you with My bride." And I realized God had given me this woman as a gift to train me in the secret place. And she ate me for breakfast if I didn't lead her well.

She did. She's all gentle now. You've seen the finished product. I had never led anything in my life. I'd never been class captain. Never led a sports team. I have led nothing but me. And if I did not lead her very well, she ate me for breakfast.

And I look back now and it was difficult for me as a husband. It was difficult for me to lead. It was difficult for me to take her on and to fight. And sometimes, when I say fight, we would struggle with our spirits for days, but I learned how to lead with my wife.

And God gave me her to teach me what I need to do now. She was His gift to me and I was to her. So don't despise the grumblings of your marriage. Learn how to win in them. Learn how to bring them through.

And the question we want to ask is this: How is his wife? How is she doing? Does she come looking browbeaten and bullied? You know. "Woman, where's the beer?" She submits in all things. No, there's got to be a sense of actually he has laid out his life for her.

He's earned the right to lead her. Again, these are important things. Watch the marriage, get to know their marriage, how they're really doing. Because every relational thing in their marriage is revealing a crack somewhere. It's either in his leadership or it's in him.

Divorce, Remarriage, and Evaluating Faithfulness

And then the question comes down to what about divorced people? If he's a "husband of but one wife." It speaks about a, a man who is faithful. It's possible that a divorced person can come on to eldership, I think. For example, if it's a one-woman man, but then his wife dies and he remarries.

Well now, is he a two-woman man? No, do you understand, the principle falls flat. It is trying to say that he is a faithful man, he's faithful to one woman. And so divorce does reveal a crack somewhere. And I think it's harder for a divorced person to come through into this role because we have to make sure that whatever was in that thing, whatever might've caused it or even slightly caused it, is dealt with.

Otherwise that will reveal itself again and again and again. So we do have divorced people in eldership, but it takes longer because we need to know. And I know we can easily say, well I was the innocent one. You know, my wife left me.

She had an affair. Okay, that might be true, and that can happen, even if you're the perfect husband. But normally, if you're the perfect husband, it probably won't. Probably won't. I don't say always. Probably there were two sides to this. It doesn't make sense.

Probably. I'm not putting a blank. I'm just saying the likelihood is, she was feeling neglected or, you know. You were running after a career or something else. The likelihood is she wasn't being loved well, likely, not always. People sin, even in perfect scenarios, but we need to know.

So when there's a divorced person, we need to dig deeper and it's not to punish them. It's just to know. Man, if we bring you through and that thing's still there, broken people break things. The church of Christ will be broken. That unfaithfulness to his wife will manifest somewhere in unfaithfulness.

And obviously then it means we can also accept single men. But I would say this—single men are untested men. Paul was single and he was an apostle. He was appointing elders. But single men are untested. So again, we need to just look a little bit deeper, take a little bit longer.

Is this man really? Because when he gets married, his cracks are then gonna be revealed and now you've got this problem. Oh my goodness. Remember, any part of me that's not yielded properly to Jesus, is like in some ways it's like. In some ways that's like, I am this, that's me.

Hopefully Jesus is inside of me. If I put just a little something in there to corrupt one aspect of the water, that little thing will corrupt all the water. So if there's an area of unfaithfulness in me towards my wife, it's revealing there's an unfaithfulness in me.

So it'll manifest. The root is unfaithfulness. It manifests to her, but it'll manifest somewhere else because that thing will manifest in every part of my life. Unfaithfulness will become a part of who I am until I beat it. Is this making sense? Look at the person next to you and say, "You're my training ground."

Especially if you're married. You are my training ground. All right. You're enjoying that far too much. You're with me. The next one is temperate. It's mentally and emotionally stable, no excesses. The challenges in the church is, leaders aren't always balanced people. They're often imbalanced.

Finding Balance and Avoiding Excess

They're often people that are obsessed with something and they go at it. But to be an elder, there has to be a measure of balance. That there's no excesses. Obviously it is a challenge as we look for people. When I was first saved, surfing was my everything.

It was an excess. And I remember the Lord dealing with that in me because I was more surfer than I was Jesus. And then it's been other things. I've got an obsessive personality. I love to see something and I need to get it perfect.

Now that's a good thing and a bad thing. Because, I zone in. But the problem is if I zone into anything, I'll zone into it. So if I need to buy a new car within two weeks, I can tell you exactly every car that I'm thinking of, what their problems likely would be.

I will dig into that so well, that I could sell cars within two weeks. And I'm not even kidding you. I'll choose well. I will, I've made money on cars. Almost every car I've ever had, I've made money on. In fact, every car I've ever had, I've made money on.

I bought it and sold it for more. Except for one that I gave to a person who was in need, or a good price to someone in need. You with me? So the problem with that is this. If I get sucked into something, My brain gets so sucked into it.

And if I don't deal with that and get it behind me, that becomes my life. Some of the men are like laughing. I think it is a bit of a guy thing for many of us. And so there can be no excesses. That means I do get sucked into things at times, but I've got to be able to shut that door, lock it and walk away and leave it.

I've got to have my life in balance. Everything's got to be balanced. And you'll see that in life. If I got my life balanced, my wife will be happy. If it's unbalanced, my wife will be grumbling. My kids will... you with me? So Emsie knows.

She'll say this to you. I wish she was here, but she's got a bladder infection this morning. But she would say this. This is how I find balance. For the last two, three days, I've been locked into this, what I'm doing now. Howard visited me and I let my hair down for a hour and a half spending time with him and his wife.

But my wife knows I'm locked into this. So she gives me space and I'm locked into this. I've done nothing but this for three days. I actually felt like I was ADD at school again. Sitting in front of my laptop and preparing stuff.

But at the end of this, I will not preach on Sunday because I'm going to be preaching myself stupid for two days. And next week I'm taking off and I'm going to put back into my family all the withdrawals that I've made now.

Because I need my life in balance. And if I can keep holding my tensions well, my wife will say, "I know babes, go for it. I know you've got to do this. You've got to. You're fighting a war, go and fight that war."

But when I come back, I'm hers. I'm all hers. I won't look at my phone. And so I've got situations in the world. My world is—it just gets busy. I've got a busy world. People sometimes say, "I'd love to see you." And I'd say, "I'd love to see you too, but seriously."

I hardly see myself nowadays. So I lost my train of thought thinking about looking at myself. But the challenge is—what was I going to say now? Wish my wife was here. So yes, it is a very busy world, but I have to learn how to watch myself to keep myself fresh.

I was running hard. They were filming a couple of things for me recently, and I've been running hard preparing. Reading our starting point, which is really orientating new people in the church. And I found I was running hard, dealing with situations, and the problem is when I'm not dealing with something, it's like my diary just goes.

Eventually I look at what I've got to do and I just feel like—have you ever looked at a room that's so messy, you just think, "I don't actually know where to start"? So I know I've got to get to that soon because that thing's getting out of hand.

But I can't get my head into a situation in America when I'm here. So unless I absolutely have to, I'll just leave it. But I know as I'm leaving it, it's sitting there reminding me. And then at the end of my time, I've got to try and find space to fit everything in that my life is balanced.

Leading Through Burnout and Pressure

You need to find balance. And let me say this, the more your leadership grows, the harder it is to keep balance. The more you're given, it gets worse. It doesn't get easier. So get balance in your life. You know, burnout is actually a lack of temperateness.

You haven't learned how to balance your life. I wasn't picking on you. And sometimes these things can reveal in us actually an area that still needs Jesus' tweaking. Because sometimes we run hard, but we corrupt what we do with our own desire to please or to be successful or to be fruitful.

And I can't be more fruitful than Jesus wants Me to be. I have to be content with what He gives me and just be as faithful as I can within that. And so burnout often reveal a lack of temperateness. I mean, even temperate in opinions or doctrines.

A temperate literally means you don't snap easily. You are like steel that's been put in the fire over and over and over and beaten over and over until that steel is so it doesn't lose its edge. It's just able to keep itself strong under pressure.

And I would say to you that are coming through, and us that are watching those that are coming through, we need to see people under pressure. I believe one of the schools of the Spirit is pressure. Which means at some point you said, "Jesus, take my life. I'm all Yours."

And Jesus said, "Okay." And you were picturing the end. You were looking at the joy set before you. One day, I'm going to preach to nations. And the Lord said, "Okay." He'll even show you the end. "Okay. Yes, Lord, take my life."

And then He says, "Okay. Now we've got to prepare. I've got to temper you. And I'm going to put you in the fire and I'm going to beat you. I'm going to put you in the fire and I'm going to beat you." And you're going to be going, "Why is life like this?"

This is not what I've signed up for. And you're going to blame leaders and elders and people and situations and wives and kids. You're going to find a thousand reasons how to get out of this. I want that, I don't want this, but this is the way to that.

The School of the Spirit: Testing and Tempering

You cannot bypass it. God has His school of the Spirit and you will go through it. And so He will specifically put you in the fire. You know, Jesus was led by the Spirit to the devil. And the devil—the language of Scripture is like this.

Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tested by the devil. And then the language used, says that Jesus was led by the devil to the high place. So the Spirit will literally take you and say, okay, I've got to temper you now.

Come with me. Yes, Lord, baptized. This is My Son in whom I am well pleased. Hallelujah. Praise God. He loves me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then He takes you and He puts your hand into the devil's hand and He says, okay, have a go.

I've got some boundaries. You can't kill him. But you can do anything else. And so you go through the school of the Spirit in the wilderness. And you wonder, dear God, what happened to the calling? Dear God, what happened to Your presence? And God wants to see, will you stand?

Will you be tempered in the fire? Will you come through? Rejoice when you're in the fire. Rejoice when your finances are falling apart. Rejoice when your kids are turning terrorist. Rejoice when your friendships are struggling. Rejoice when you feel like you're falling apart.

Commitment to the Plow: Refusing to Shrink Back

But learn the lesson in the fire. Learn the lesson in the fire. In Hebrews 10:38—we read the Hebrews had now started this journey. They were believers, Jews that had become saved and the fire came. And they were actually being persecuted. Their property had previously been confiscated and they rejoiced about that.

But now the fire had carried on for so long, they were starting to want to shrink back. They were starting to say, we just want to get out of this fire. We just want to live as normal again. I just want to, I just want to, if I can just go back to Judaism, I'll be fine.

Because Judaism is an accepted religion within the Roman empire. And God says in Hebrews 10:38, "and I take no pleasure in the one who shrinks back." "I take no pleasure in the one who shrinks back." I learned this lesson as a young man.

When I put my hand on the plow, I am never going back from this plow. I am going to work this plow if it kills me. I might need to for a season, take a break. But I am not ever excusing myself from what the Master's asked me to do.

I will not shrink back. I will not shrink back. I've wanted to many times. Many times. If you sat in a secret place and you watch my video, you're going to see me and Emsie sitting there saying, "Can't we just go farm or do something else? Can't we just do something else?"

But I can't. Where do I go? He's got the words of life and He takes no pleasure in me when I shrink back. Now please, we get hurt, we fall, there's seasons that we have to get rebooted.

But our heart posture is, Father, I can't now because I've torn a muscle. I can't now do what I did before because I'm shot up. I can't. But Lord, my heart is I am not shrinking back. I might crawl forward for a season and not be able to do what I did before, but I am not taking my hand back.

I'm not taking my life back. I'm not going back to what I was. I'm going to get refreshed. I'm going to get healed and I'm going forward again. And that posture. And so we need to watch people, watch people who shrink back. Watch people who leave the church.

And whenever someone leaves the church and you see them in the shop and this is what they say. It's the best thing ever. I feel so free. I feel so close to Jesus now. You know why? Because you stepped out of the wilderness.

You took your hand out of God's hands. And you went back to your own life. And so yes, it is amazing. There's no pressure. You don't have to deal with situations. You just feel holy again. But I want to stay in the fire as long as the Master keeps me there.

Conviction in the Face of Hardship

Because I want to pass the test. Temperateness. We have to watch people. Watch people when the financial situation goes wrong. We're about to go through that globally. How many of your nations are shaking? Economies are wobbling. The costs. I mean, some of you, to drive here, you sold your kidney to get here.

So expensive to live now. Okay. The pressure's on now. Now we see really what's conviction. Now we see what they do with their money. Now we see what they do with their lives. Okay. You see Julius Malema. How many of you sleep well because of Julius Malema?

You see. I can't believe some of the stuff that guy gets away with. Whatever it is. You think, okay, I've got a little girl growing up in this country. I don't know if I want her to grow up in this country anymore. I can get out.

But I am not one who picks up my life. Julius Malema, you can kill me if you want to, but I'm not running because of you. My God is bigger than you. And the fire proves our metal. I've got an hour, can you believe that?

Cultivating Self-Control Over Emotions

I hope it doesn't feel like it for you; it doesn't feel like it for me. A quick one, an hour. Self-controlled. And it speaks of a disciplined life of sound decisions, sensible decisions, financial decisions. It has control of everything. In other words, self-control means there's no part of my life out of control.

I don't live by my emotions. I don't let my emotions dictate how I am. I remember, and I need to say this... I remember the one day in the early days of my marriage, every lady has certain times of the month that are harder to live with than others.

And I remember my wife. Sometimes, you know, she was just like. And I remember saying to her, "My babes, my babes, you cannot act upon what you're feeling. Cause I also have bad days. I also have days that I feel like just being ugly."

I have to put to death those things, which means you have to win that battle. You cannot just say, "Well, that's just how it is for us women." Because I could then tell, "Well, that's just like it is for me as a man too."

I get grumpy because I'm dealing with too much stuff. I have to be like Christ. So you with me? So there's a sense of self-control. I don't let my emotions get the better of me. I don't let my feelings get the better of me.

I beat my fears. I beat my concerns. I have control. When I come to worship—you watch how people worship. How's it going? Watch them in the fire. You watch them when God's just given them a raise at work and they're like, "Yes, Jesus, You're so good, You are good."

And then, two weeks later they lose their raise and their job and their kid gets sick and their dog bites them and everything goes wrong. And you watch. Are they self-controlled? You see, their emotions are now going, "Life sucks. Where is God?"

Evidence of Self-Control in Worship and Speech

I want to watch how they worship now, if they have self-control. It won't change anything. They will do the right thing even if it doesn't feel like they should. They've tamed their tongue. Are they gossipers? They've got control of their tongue. This thing is the fire, the Bible says.

Do they like to gossip? Do they exercise? Self-control. Who loves exercise? I think Martin Janssen's the only one. There's a few others. Do they exercise? You see, what I am in one will affect in the other. You know, we are spirit, soul, and body.

And we don't even know where the lines are drawn between those. So, do they exercise? Are they trying to look after themselves physically? Do they watch to some degree what they eat? We all love chocolate now and again. It's not a sin, but it can be.

Are you with me? These things reveal the man. Has he tamed food? Has he tamed his opinion? Does he now want to shut up? Self-control. He'll do the right thing even when the feelings are not there, because he's not driven by feelings.

Meeting the Qualifications for Eldership and Leadership

He does the right thing. Self-control. We're running through qualifications for eldership here, but these are things that for us as believers we need to get the victory in. And again, I want to say, we're finishing this session here. But we have to win these battles.

Because when the pressure's on, if you haven't won it in the secret place, and you stand in front of Goliath like David did, you're gonna die. You're gonna die. So for each of us, there is a school of the Spirit. And here's the thing.

I have not yet even, and I've walked in more than all of you in the Kingdom, but I have not yet taken a hold of all that Christ Jesus has called me to do either yet. And I'm not talking about bigger platforms. I'm talking about more of Him in me.

I'm talking about an influence that goes beyond what He's given me even now. That I will be faithful to what He's given me and that He might enlarge it into the more, so that I can take a hold of that for which He took a hold of me.

And each of you here, you're here because you believe you're called to be a leader. You believe you're called to serve the body of Christ in some way. These are the areas you have to win. These are the areas now that you have to get your victory in.

Passing Tests for Spiritual Growth

Will Marais used to say this. He was the guy that used to serve with us in eldership for those who didn't know him. Everything's a test. Everything's a test. Pass your tests. Pass your tests. Because there's work to be done. And we need you to come through.

Prayer for Christ to be Formed in Us

Father, help us not just to hear these things, but to allow the Spirit to work these into us as people. That as Your sons, as Your daughters, Father, Christ would be formed in us, so that You could minister Your kingdom through us. Lord, I pray for everyone here that's facing even different areas, and some in the fire.

Even as I'm speaking, facing different challenges. Some being shot up, some being wounded. Lord, I pray that You would help us to be those who move from one degree of glory to another. I pray for those that find themselves even here now and that maybe feel, "Oh my goodness, I feel like I've messed up. Oh my goodness, I feel like I've done that wrong."

Thank You, Father, that Your mercies are new every day. Thank You that You give us new mercies for new moments. Thank You that You're not yet finished the work You've started in us because we're still alive and we're still breathing oxygen.

So Father, bring us through, I pray. In Jesus' name. Amen.