Dealing with Rejection
Sometimes we are made to feel insignificant or unimportant, treated as if we have little or no value. This kind of rejection isn’t outright, but when we experience this kind of treatment, whether it is from biological or spiritual family, or even unbelievers, it can cause irreparable damage.
This kind of rejection appears as:
- A relationship that is consistently characterised by anger
- A barrage of unjust criticism
- Unhealthy comparison with others
- Falling victim to favouritism
- Inconsistency in a person’s emotions or affections
- Jealousy, selfishness or envy
When someone seeks to intimidate others by revealing their weaknesses and failures, it produces shame in the victim’s heart, giving the perpetrator a false sense of importance, superiority and security. These harmful behaviours can be the result of a communication style that is performance-based.
By this harsh, condescending behaviour, our identity and our true purpose in God can be belittled—the same could be said of the person responsible for the cruel behaviour! If we allow it, this kind of abuse can affect our intimacy with God and damage the relationships between everyone affected by the toxic behaviour.
Identifying Rejection
Here are some examples of the fruits of rejection:
- Performance through work and people-pleasing
- Emotional instability, procrastination, indecisiveness, and impulsive lying
- Substance abuse of any kind
- Excessive submissiveness, legalism, and low self-esteem
- Depression, heart problems because of stress, reclusiveness, or bad eating habits
- Sexual challenges within marriage or sexual promiscuity
- Extreme loneliness, suicidal thoughts, academic underachievement or bad decision-making
- Explosions of anger, lack of energy
- Drawn towards unstable religious figures
The Bible often speaks about the power of words: words spoken in love and words said with evil intent (Proverbs 16:24, 13:3, 12:18, Psalm 141:3). Let us strive to be doers of the Word and repairers of relational bridges. It is up to us to break cycles of destruction by practicing forgiveness and refusing evil behaviour to continue.
Take some time now to prayerfully consider which of the fruits of rejection mentioned above occasionally surface in you when you are under pressure.
How to Forgive
I’m sure many would agree that forgiving is not such an easy feat. When we consider the pain caused by familial, marital and church wounds, it is tempting to give in to despair and wonder if genuine forgiveness is possible. Satan knows that if he can ensnare us in bitterness and unforgiveness, he has won the battle.
Firstly, we need to remind ourselves that our battle against offence is not so much the offence against another person, as it is against demons trying to provoke us into unforgiveness (Ephesians 6:12). There is a battle being waged, and your soul is the battleground. Satan knows that if he can ensnare us in bitterness and unforgiveness, then he has won the battle. If we leave our unforgiveness unchecked, we give the enemy a “foothold” into our souls. Peace will no longer protect and fill us. Instead, anger and resentment will take its place (Ephesians 4:26-27).
In Matthew 18:34-35, it speaks about the servant whose debt the master forgave, but the servant refused to forgive another man’s debt towards him. The result was that the servant was severely punished and rejected by God. In verse 35, we are instructed to forgive from the heart. Even though forgiveness begins with a decision, it must filter through to your heart to bring about true forgiveness.
To help us forgive, we need to ask the Lord to show us our offender’s pain, which most likely feeds their offensive behaviour. This will help to place our feet in their shoes. When you experience and get insight into the heart of the offender, forgiveness is easier, and we may even begin to feel empathy for our ‘enemy’.
When we are filled with the love of God and know that we are completely forgiven, this will also help us to forgive from the heart. Lack of exposure to godly love and the experience of God’s love make it very hard to forgive from the heart. His love needs to first melt our hearts so we can see others with love and grace.
Nothing that has been done to us is worse than what we have done to a perfect, love-personified, all-embracing and forgiving Father through our sin. We have also hurt others, perhaps to a lesser extent, but we must forgive because He forgives us our sin, and we must hand the perpetrator over to God for their soul to be saved.
The Holy Spirit is an ever-present help in times of need, helping us to begin the process of forgiveness.
Offence is not given but taken. Although Scripture clearly warns those through whom offence comes (Luke 17:1-2), in Matthew 18:21-22 we are challenged to forgive many times a day (seven times seventy), without an apology being given. Christ interceded for His murderers to be forgiven by the Father without them realising their fault and apologising for it. This is the epitome of meekness.
As ambassadors of Christ, we extend His love and forgiveness toward others: we are called to love our enemies, even blessing them materially or helping them physically. This is what Christ does for all of mankind. So, at the end of the day, forgiving others is not only for our benefit but even more for the extension of God’s Kingdom, His love and His presence. We are tools for His pleasure and for His purpose.
Also in this Article Series: Caring for Your Soul – Part 1 | Caring for Your Soul – Part 2
